This is gonna be a pretty long ass, but hopefully enjoyable post, as I am going to try to just scratch the surface on the madness and escapades that I enjoyed on the 4th of July weekend and the days leading up to it. This is no way has anything to do with Universal Records and the aforementioned group is in no way involved or responsible for my actions.
So after discovering that I had the thursday and friday of the week before the 4th off, and going nuts with joy, I decided to meet up with my boy Nicholas Kaye aka Nicky Nick aka Nicholai Spielberg to partake in some good ole drink-time that was bound to escalate into shenanigans. We went out with the intention of getting allowed into a pretty high class, yet dope ass bar called "The Edison" but we were swiftly denied after discovering that I was violating the dress code in every way humanly possible. No baseball caps, t-shirts, shorts or tennis shoes allowed. Guess what I was rocking? Only if I had the Flavor Flav chain could I have violated it any more, and that's a stretch, they might have let me in just for having the audacity to do so. Nicky Spielberg only violated it in one way. But nonetheless, we were not getting in there that night. We then proceeded to go into this Mexican bar, with a bartender who spoke no English. I conversed with her as best I could, and Nick and I enjoyed two big ass shots of horrible Tequila. Got us feeling nice though, and we went down to this other bar, I forget what it was called, and successfully got in (Shout out to Maine). Before, we asked the bouncer at the Edison something along the lines of "is there anywhere that two assholes dressed like us can get into at this time of night", to which he graciously led us to our eventual destination. We got in and purchased a couple big ass cans of Tecate, and damn, those things do the trick. The rest of the night I will leave out, for my own pride. Nick knows what I'm talking about, but it has something to do with Karaoke, Billie Jean, and Benny Blancs.
The next day, we saw Transformers 2, which was dope. Fuck the haters. And yes, Megan Fox... giiiggity gigigtiy goo Ooooooohhh yeahhhh. That night, we met up with Nick's boy Nicolas Salvador Allende Don't Remember His Last Name. Cool dude though, and seasoned with knowledge on how young chaps are supposed to arrive at a Posh ass place like The Edison, we rolled up with confidence oozing out of our appropriately fashioned attire. Or was that just my hair gel? Chill I don't gel my hair my shit is naturally fly. Like I was feeling great; though that could be due to the multiple shots of Cuervo we took prior to leaving. After waiting on line for about 10 minutes, and taking a piss in a cigar shop, we got to the front of the line. Though our night almost came to an abrupt halt. 20 minutes before that, we hit a parking lot up, and unknowingly insulted one of the bouncers to the exact club we were going to! FUCK. I believe Nick's and his exchange was:
Nick: "Hey can we park here?"
Guy: "Do I look like a fuckin' parking lot attendant?"
Nick: "...Uhh Yeah..."
Guy: "Pshh"
So when we were at the front of the line, Guy informed the other bouncer of what occurred before, and they tried to deny Nick entry. But with some smooth talking, and his dashingly good looks, we were all allowed in, even with my balling ass Maine ID. The place was mad nice, which happened to be LA's first power plant, and had a bunch of ancient power generators for aesthetic purposes, and old reel films displayed on the walls. We were chillin' and after I bought a shot of absinthe, I was OD chilling. The place was cake though, so we left after a while, and hit up another bar, which was bumping Tribe. Shit was great. We met these people at the end of the night... This girl Alma, Claudia, and Luis. Claudia was beautiful, and I will find her, and throw wedding sack over her. But she was the DD that night, so I can now see why she wasn't impressed by my sloppy-ass come ons. Luis was that dude though. Like this dude was 40+ years old chilling with some beautiful Mexican girls rocking a Mustache similar to Giambi's when he was on a busting ass last year.... or Dr. Phil's
I was almost like damn girl I don't even need your number to call you, I just want to chill wit Luis. Anyway, I bought us all shots, which I now regret. Fuck. We then bounced, hit up Micky D's, and got like 4 McDouble's each. And 2 McChicken's each. I regret that too. The next day, Nicky Spielberg and I got up and began our drive to San Diego, or more accurately to Del Mar, where Nick's friend Vanessa Black aka V Dubs the dopest host ever has a beach house.
We got stuck in crazy traffic, but finally arrived at Kendrick aka Chris/Chris aka Kendrick lived. And let me tell you, this house was balling. It had a mini-library, with one of those ladders that slides across it. Nuff said. We met Igor Vanessa's man and his two boys from BK, Steve aka Bouzy and TJ aka Cockadoodledoo. And it was a wrap from there on. Dudes were all chillin. That night, we polished off a bottle of Jameson, and chilled on the beach. We later got back to the beach house, and Mr. Black came through and dropped the quote of the trip: "I never seen so many god damned Snaggle-Toothed Bitches in my life". One of the most hilarious things I've ever heard. Stevie and TJ told us stories about the legendary Mishy, who has pulled off shit you've only seen in your dreams. I passed out, and these guys drew dicks on my face. Fuckin assholes. I got the couch though. Woke up saturday morning feeling like shit of course, but we started to hit the keg and that solved all my problems. It was the fourth of July, and we hit the beach and it was popping. Mad ladies, but I mean I was fucked up all day, and I think I'd be stretching the Truth if I attempted to expand on it. Basically we were just chilling on and off of the beach, in one of the most beautiful cities I've ever been to, with cool ass people. I proceeded to pass out mid-day while we were watching Michael Jackson videos, and missed the fireworks. Damnit, I always miss the fireworks! But woke up so appropriately after Kendrick and his boy Blake came thru with a Big ass bottle of Patron they found on the beach, and his other boy Eddie returned after pulling a fast one........... We then were chillin downstairs, and this girl Selene broke out into her own melodious version of "Titanic". Shit was hilarious, and great. Who the else knows what happened. I'm probably missing some stuff, but all in all, it was a great weekend. Nick and I were planning to go to the San Diego Zoo on Sunday, but I was way too hungover for that; and for that matter, too hungover for anything. Like I was too hungover to live. We said our goodbyes, and bounced and I slept the whole way back. And I am just getting over my hangover from Saturday, today... Tuesday. Happy belated 4th to everyone who knows they didn't have as good of a time as us, and unhappy 4th to those who think they even came close; and if it's cool with the Black's, its definitely going down again next year. Benny Blancs
